I will go to the gym tomorrow.

I seriously just find myself getting fatter and fatter. Why is it that we like food so much? And that every social gathering circles around food. What will I make? What will I bring -- chocolate or wine?

And why is it that I'm so dependent on it? And get such joy out of silly things like two extra pieces of general tso's chicken (ugh) and sour patch kids. The green ones especially.

Will I ever find a way to balance my desire to be a healthy weight with my desire to eat everything in sight? I think I need a goal again...a running goal, not a weight goal, since that never seems to motivate me.

Definitely the turkey trot again next year. Maybe my goal can be in 55 minutes.

And a 5K in March in 30 minutes. Yeah, there's a goal.

I am joining weight watchers by the end of this month.

oh wait...

french fries are the enemy. I forgot.



And I'm mad because the cardio equipment at my gym is unavailable now until Saturday. Boo.

Pizza is my enemy

Ok, I'm not quite sure what it is.
But, there is something about pizza.
I like pizza of all kinds--your basic pepperoni, white pizza, roasted red pepper pizza, margherita pizza, etc.

And I can never eat just one slice.

I think pizza is my nemesis. How will I overcome it?

fat stick figures

This blog is kind of a joke. I mean seriously. I never remember even having one for months at a time.
And nothing every comes of my so-called ambition. I am constantly saying I want to lose weight. I want to be skinnier. But, when it comes down to it, what I really want is to eat those pita chips, and those meringue cookies, and the sweet tarts. Why do I find comfort in food?

Tonight I was wondering how one would portray a fat person with a stick figure? It's like an oxymoron. But, you know how when we were kids, that's all we could draw, stick figures. Okay, who am I joking, that's really all I can still draw. My visual artistic abilities came to a screeching halt somewhere around...well...kindergarten.

Am I rambling? I'm a little bit tipsy still. We went to a retirement party earlier, and I downed about 4 vodka cranberry's way too quickly.

Trying to drown out this horrid feeling I've had all day since I weighed myself.
I was 180. It made me want to throw up. How did I let it get this bad again? I need to go back to a WW meeting. I need to go to the gym like every day.

Every day it just kept creeping up. And I keep eating. I'm fine during the day. It's at night, when Dan goes to bed (7pm). And primetime tv and the munchies hit me. It doesn't matter if we don't have snack food, I still find something to eat. Am I a compulsive overeater?

I wish I could make some goals and just stick to them.
I want to be 130, or 140, or even 150 at this point. I feel horrible, I hate the way I look in clothes, I hate that my knee starts to bother me after 5 minutes of exercise because of the added pressure from my extra weight.
And I hate that I feel so alone in all of this.

Wow, how soon we forget

Is it sad that I didn't even remember having this blogged until I went to comment on someone else's?
And of course, nothing has changed. Except maybe being a few pounds less.
I've been on WW since April. I'm officially down 10 pounds, but I think the past week or so of weddings and parties has helped a little to creep back on.
I haven't been to the gym in two months.
Ok, maybe I went once.
I really need to start again, it's getting ridic.
Work is killing me.
I never get to see my husband during the week. His schedule sucks.
I wish we both had jobs that we loved, and the money to finally buy a house so we could start having babies. (Oh, and I wish I was skinnier to have babies.)

Sorry for the self-loathing post. No one will probably read this anyway.

On Your Mark...Get Set...Go!

My official start date was Monday.

Weight: 173.5

WW Daily Points Target: 24

Weekly Goals:
Stay within points